


if all we have is time

by funkyandfatigued



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crack, Eventual Fluff, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Crack, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Komahina - Freeform, Komahina Week, Komahina Week 2020, M/M, Minor Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Pekoyama Peko, Minor Mioda Ibuki/Tsumiki Mikan, Minor Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham, My First AO3 Post, No Smut, Sick Komaeda Nagito, Trans Hinata Hajime, eventual angst, kind of slow burn?, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:00:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23818087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkyandfatigued/pseuds/funkyandfatigued
Summary: Hajime is getting tired of his painfully boring and uneventful experience at Hope’s Peak High School. He acts indifferent, but internally, wants his last two years of high school to be the best years of his life. The day before homecoming, he asks the weird kid to be his date, not knowing that it would be one of the most important decisions he’s ever made.this was originally a komahina week fic buuut…….
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 29
Kudos: 95





	1. floral friday

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys!!! this is my first published fic :) constructive criticism is much appreciated! i hope you're all staying safe and drinking water anyways ahaha here's the thiiing thank you so much for reading :)
> 
> prompt: school au

It was a Floral Friday like any other, except it wasn’t, because the entire school was obsessing over homecoming. While some of Hajime Hinata’s friends enjoyed wearing ridiculous things for Spirit Week, he definitely didn’t. He could already see the embarrassment that would grace the participant’s faces when the yearbooks came out. _“Movie Monday (from left): Gundham Tanaka as Shrek, Sonia Nevermind as Fiona, Kazuichi Soda as Donkey. Shrektacular coordination, guys!”_ Luckily, Mahiru was the best photographer in the Yearbook Committee, and also one of his mutuals, so at least that guaranteed them all a decent angle.

Today he wore a tacky light-blue Hawaiian shirt with orange flowers and ukuleles, tucked into a pair of tan khakis. Brown flip flops supported his feet as he walked to lunch. When he got to his table, he was met with applause from his friends, who were also dressed like they just got back from vacation and didn’t care enough to change clothes.

“At last! You have participated in the festivities! We are all very proud of you, Hajime!” Sonia praised. She was dressed kind of like the princess from Tangled, faux flowers braided into her strawberry blonde hair. Hajime could tell that Soda was having a hard time keeping his eyes off of her, but at least he was trying to move on, since Sonia and Gundham were official now.

“Uh… thanks,” Hajime replied, not really knowing what else to say. He set down his lunchbox on the table and put his head down on it, sighing.

“What is it that ails you, mortal?” Pastel Gundham asked.

“Nothing really. It’s just that I’m kind of disappointed that it’s my junior year and I haven’t even gone to homecoming once. The dance is tomorrow and I don’t even have a date.”

“I believe Kazuichi is also single! Perhaps you two could go as friends,” Sonia suggested.

“Nope! Soda is going to be Ibuki and Mikan’s third wheel!” Ibuki interjected as she attacked her girlfriend (who was sitting next to her) with a hug.

“That still technically makes him single,” Byakuya remarked.

“Well, even if I was, I’m not interested,” Kazuichi said. He seemed to be depressed lately.

“And besides, we need our errand boy to be available at all times!” Ibuki said, stealing Kazuichi’s beanie.

“Um… I might know somebody who would go with you, I think,” Chiaki said.

“Really? Who?” Hajime said, picking his head up from his lunch box.

“Nagito Komaeda.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

“I’m serious. I know he’s a little strange but he’s actually really sweet,” Chiaki said.

“I think that ‘a little strange’ is an understatement,” Peko said, who was holding hands with Fuyuhiko.

“I mean… we’re friends with Gundham, so what makes Komaeda any different?” Chiaki pointed out bluntly.

“I am _different_ because _I_ am The Supreme Overlord of Ice, the Dark King, and Tamer of the Hellhounds.” Gundham said in complete seriousness.

“My point exactly.” Chiaki said, getting up. “You guys are just mean.”

“Wait, where are you going?” Hajime asked.

“I’m going to go hang out with Komaeda. You should come with me, Hajime.”

“Fine, fine.” He grabbed his stuff and followed Chiaki down the hallway, after receiving a couple of snickers and semi-sarcastic “good luck”s from his friends.

Hajime had never seen Komaeda hang out with anyone else all year, so it’s probably safe to assume that he doesn’t have any friends. _There’s most likely a reason for that,_ Hajime thought. Although, he did have him in his Literary Analysis class last year, and he happened to be picked to be his partner for some kind of project. He and Hajime used to go to the library together to work, and he was alright to hang out with. He was nice enough, he supposed, but there was definitely something off about him. He was always making self-deprecating comments and talking about hope or whatever. But Hajime had to admit, he was smart. Maybe a bit socially oblivious, but philosophically inclined. Even so, he did make Hajime slightly uncomfortable. He tried to push his preconceived notions out of his mind when he and Chiaki entered the library.

They found Komaeda in a corner of the library, sitting on a navy blue beanbag chair. He looked up from the book he was reading when Hajime and Chiaki stood in front of him.

“Hey, I hope you don’t mind that I brought Hinata with me,” Chiaki said.

“No, I don’t mind. I’m honored that he would even consider spending time with trash like me,” Komaeda smiled as he marked his page. His tone was too bright for the words he was saying. _It’s not like I really had a choice._

An awkward silence settled between them as Chiaki and Hinata sat down next to Komaeda. “Hey, hey Komaeda, are you going to homecoming this year?” Chiaki inquired.

“I wish that I could, but I don’t have a date or any friends who would want to go with me. Besides, I’d really rather not take up precious space,” Komaeda sighed.

“I mean, it’s not like you’d take up much space anyways,” Hajime commented.

“Hajime doesn’t have a date either,” Chiaki said. “It would be fun if you two went together instead of not going at all, I think.”

“I mean, I’d be down to go with you as a friend, if you want. It’s not like I have people lining up to take me,” Hajime added.

Komaeda looked genuinely shocked. “Someone like you… you’d waste your time… on someone like _me_? You’re so kind, truly a godsend. I can practically see the hope radiating off of you.”

“...Is that supposed to be a yes?” Hajime said, trying not to show his annoyance.

“Well, I should really be saying no. You deserve someone better than me.”

_Is this his way of rejecting me? Crap, even the weird kid doesn’t want to be my date!_

“Komaeda, cut the depressing crap. I’m asking you what you want. If you don’t want to go with me then just say it.”

“No, no, that’s not it at all! I’d love to go with you! I mean, if you want me to.”

“If I didn’t want you to go with me, I wouldn’t have asked.” Hajime rolled his eyes and opened his contacts in his phone. “Here, give me your number so we can hang out. This is kind of last minute, so I have to go buy a suit. If you aren’t busy, maybe I can pick you up then?”

“That sounds fun,” Komaeda smiled. “I’d be more than happy to pay for everything. It’s the least I can do to show my gratitude.”

“That’s really not necessary,” Hajime laughed nervously and gave Komaeda his phone. Komaeda put in his number and gave the phone back to Hajime.

“If you say so. But really, I can’t thank you enough, Hajime. You’re so amazing!” Komaeda smiled and placed his chin on the back of his hands.

“Really, it’s not a big deal, Komaeda.”

The school bell sounded through the quiet library, startling a few kids who were engulfed in their books, and Chiaki, who had fallen asleep sitting up. “How long was I out?” Chiaki yawned, shrugging her cat bookbag over her shoulders.

“Like, not even ten minutes,” Komaeda said as he stood up.

“Oh, okay. Are you guys gonna go together?”

“Yeah,” Hajime answered.

“Cool.” Chiaki headed for the door. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Even though Chiaki had been asleep during their entire conversation, it seemed more awkward now that it was just Hajime and Komaeda by themselves.

“Uh, thanks for going with me, Komaeda,” Hajime smiled, only half insincerely.

“It’s no problem! Really, I should be the one thanking you.”

“We should probably get to class.”

“How lame. Oh well, I’ll text you later, Hinata. Bye, now!” Komaeda waved and walked away.

Since all of his friends had already left the cafeteria, he didn’t have anybody to talk to on the way to class, so he opted to reflect on what had just happened. Maybe it was a stupid idea, and he knew he’d be talked about for going to homecoming with a loner like Komaeda, but he couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him. Having no friends must seriously suck, and he wasn’t _that_ weird.

He felt good about himself, knowing that he’d done something nice for somebody.


	2. mannequin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hajime and Nagito go suit shopping... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: supposed to be "lies" but ya know i got sidetracked,,
> 
> remember when i said things were going to get interesting in this chapter ahahaha yeah that was a lie sorry
> 
> KOKICHI OUMA has entered the chat.
> 
> okay but regardless, i had a lot of fun writing this chapter!! i usually write angst so this is a fun little break from that. also this chapter was supposed to have a few more scenes but the way they would flow into each other would be really weird so i'm just going to make another chapter for that. anyways enjoy!

Hajime flopped on his bed and opened his phone. As usual, the group chat was flooded with messages, but he ignored it. Komaeda had sent him a string of text messages.

_ 2:28 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: hey are you still down?

_ 2:32 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: to go suit shopping i mean ahaha sorry i should’ve specified

_ 2:39 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: :)

_ 2:42 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: it’s ok if you changed your mind haha

Anxiety stirred in Hajime’s stomach. From the way he was texting, it sounded like he didn’t want to go.

_ 2:50 pm _

Hinata: Sorry I didnt text sooner i was doing homework. Yeah i can pick you up whenever i just need your address

Not even a minute later, Komaeda sent his address. Hajime copy and pasted it into Google Maps, relieved that it was on the way to the plaza so they wouldn’t have to backtrack.

_ 2:51 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: it’s okay if you pick me up now if you want to haha

_ 2:53 pm _

Hinata: Ok i’ll be there in like 30 minutes

_ 2:54 pm _

☁️ Komaeda ☁️: i’ll be waiting outside ahaha tysm

Not really sure why he was being thanked, Hajime looked at the ceiling as he got dressed into a basic white t-shirt and gray jeans. He tied an olive green corduroy jacket around his waist, which had thankfully gotten slimmer after being on testosterone for 11 months. He was just going to wear the flip flops he wore to school, but he decided they looked stupid with his outfit and replaced them with a pair of black and white Adidas. He internally cringed a bit as he adjusted his binder, put his wallet in his pocket, and went to his car.

He sat down in the driver’s seat and opened his phone.

_ 3:02 pm _

Hinata: Hey mom I’m going to go buy a suit with my friend I’ll try to be back by 8

_ 3:04 pm _

Mom ❤️: Did you get a date?

_ 3:04 pm _

Hajime: Yeah we’re just going as friends though

_ 3:06 pm _

Mom ❤️: Yay! Be careful driving sweetie. I love you  ❤️

_ 3:07 pm _

Hajime: Love you too mum ❤️

  
  


Hajime drove to Komaeda’s house with the windows down and the classic rock station blaring _ Here I Go Again _ by Whitesnake. He smiled as the cool breeze whipped his face, the first scents of falling leaves finding their way to his nose. He’d never thought he would be this happy. Hajime was suddenly overcome with a wave of deep appreciation for the fact that he was alive, and for how distant he felt from his past self. It was short, simple moments like this that made life’s trials and monotony worth it. He grinned and began to sing the lyrics to the cheesy song at the top of his lungs, tapping his steering wheel in time with the drums. He might not be as confident as he’d like to be, or as smart as he wishes he was, but for right now, the only things that existed were himself, his car radio, and the route to the teenage resident loner’s house.

“Holy crap.”

Komaeda’s house looked considerably more exorbitant than he had expected it to. It was practically a mansion. Stark white columns held up a massive balcony. There were two plum trees on either side of the house, dyed red from the lowering temperatures. Well-kempt holly bushes lead the way to a spacious porch, where Komaeda sat in front of two red double doors.  _ Maybe it  _ would  _ be okay to let him pay for a few things… _ The wind blew back his fluffy white hair and ruffled his light yellow hoodie before he got in the front seat. They exchanged greetings before Hajime backed out of the same driveway as a BMW, suddenly feeling very embarrassed about his hatchback Toyota.

“So uh, what do your parents do for a living?” Hajime asked, driving.

“Oh, nothing really. What about yours?” Komaeda crossed his legs and looked at Hajime with a soft smile.

_ That’s definitely suspicious. _

Sensing that he didn’t want to talk about it, Hajime decided to go along with it. “My mom works an office job and my dad works in landscaping. Nothing too interesting.”

“I see.”

Hajime had so many questions. Like, why wasn’t he going to a private school? Why didn’t he exclusively wear designer? And, most of all,  _ what the hell did his parents do?  _ He was now at least 30% more interested in this mysterious person who he barely knew and was now practically being thrown into a friendship with.

“Here, you can play whatever you want. I’m not picky.” Hajime fished the aux cord out from the glove box and gave it to Komaeda.

“Really? If you say so. I can’t guarantee that you’ll like it, though.” Komaeda plugged in his iPhone (the latest version, unsurprisingly) and skimmed through his playlist for a minute before a familiar chord progression filled the car;  _ Everybody Wants To Rule The World _ from Weezer’s cover album.

“Oh my god, I love this song!” Hajime said as he smiled at Komaeda.

“Yeah, me too!”

They didn’t talk much for the rest of the car ride. There was no singing or headbanging at red lights, neither one of them wanting to make a fool of themselves. It was very different from when Hajime was driving alone, but it was still fun. Hajime didn’t experience the same feeling of liberation and gratitude that he did beforehand, but rather now it was serenity and happiness. At least now they knew they had one thing in common: four minutes and four seconds worth of music.

The plaza had lots of different stores. There was a supermarket, a Goodwill, Macy’s, several food vendors, Kohl’s, TJ Maxx, and a Target, among other small businesses and restaurants.

“I think Target or Kohl’s might have something,” Hajime suggested.

“Oh, no no no. We’re going to Macy’s.” Komaeda said.

“I mean, we can go there after I buy something.”

“Who said I wasn’t going to buy your suit?”

Hajime didn’t really know how to react. It’s true that Komaeda had more money than he had initially thought, but the moral implications....

“Come on now, Hinata. Did you really think I wouldn’t pay for it with all of the money I obviously have?”

“Alright, fine. But I’ll pay you back one way or another.”

“Hinata, your hope is worth more than anything money can buy. You’re paying me back just by being my friend and taking me to homecoming even though we barely know each other.”

Hajime had no idea what he was talking about, but he could feel blood rushing to his ears from secondhand embarrassment. Seriously, who says shit like that?

Hajime got out of the car and saw that Komaeda was still just sitting there, staring off into space. 

“You coming?” Hajime asked.

“I’m sorry, haha. My bad.” Komaeda supported himself with the open door as he wobbled out of the car.

“Are you, uh, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just clumsy. Don’t worry about it,” Komaeda flashed that stupid smile again.

“Okay then.”

Macy’s was, unsurprisingly, crowded. It was Friday after all, and there were lots of people from their school buying last minute homecoming apparel.

“Hinata, what do you think of this hat?” Komaeda walked over to a mannequin and grabbed a dark purple bowler hat that had a silver feather sticking out from the rim. He put it on his head.

“Wait, no no no, you’re missing something,” Hajime took the mannequin’s black cateye sunglasses that were dotted with silver rhinestones and carefully put them on Komaeda’s face.

“While we’re at it, you can’t forget… the boa.” Komaeda unravelled the purple feather boa from the statue and wrapped it around his neck.

“Oh my god, you look so stupid,” Hajime laughed quietly as he looked around, making sure there weren’t any employees around to kick them out for stripping the now boring mannequin of nothing but a black maxi dress.

“Whaaat? That’s mean, Hinata. And here I thought I was truly fashionable,” Komaeda sniffed.

“Wait, I think I know what would make it better.” Hajime speed walked down the rows of racks, grabbed a white Michael Kors purse, and gave it to Komaeda.

“Oh, yes. Now I’m  _ really  _ runway material,” Komaeda awkwardly put one hand on his hip and threw back his boa.

“Please never do that again… after I take a picture of you doing it.” Hajime took his phone out of his pocket and opened the camera.

“It’s okay, you can admit it. RuPaul has nothing on me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s put everything back before we get kicked out,” Hajime tried to suppress a smile as he held one end of the boa and watched Komaeda spin in a circle to get it off.

After hastily putting the tacky clothes back on the mannequin (and giving it a new purse), they went to the formal section.

“So, like, since you insist on paying for my stuff, what’s my budget?” Hajime asked, scanning the racks of pricey clothes.

“There is no budget. Get whatever you want,” Komaeda said as he eyeballed a pale blue blazer.

Hajime unhooked the blazer and gave it to Komaeda. “You should try this on. It’s, like, the same color as your eyes. Kinda. And then, like, add a white button-up. I don’t know, I just think it would look cool. Maybe.”

“Why do you sound so nervous? I think that’s an outfit that would make even someone like me look good.” Komaeda took it and threw it over his back. “I’ll try it on when we find a white button-up.”

“Okay, cool. I guess I’m gonna go and try to find something. If you get lost, text me.”

“I will, as long as you promise not to ditch me.”

“You have my word.”

. . .

Hajime ended up settling on a dark green blazer, a dark gray button-up, gray chinos, and black loafers. Even though he didn’t really have a limit on how much he could spend, he’d still feel bad about buying something super expensive.

As for Komaeda, well…

“ _ What _ … are  _ those _ .” 

“You don’t like them? I thought they looked cool. Kinda retro.”

“They  _ look  _ like they came out of Michael Jackson’s closet. Where did you even manage to find something as hideous as that?”

“The old lady section, obviously.”

“ _ The old lady section? _ ”

“That’s what I said.”

They were showing each other the things they had bought in the Macy’s parking lot. Komaeda had bought the things that Hajime had suggested, but he had also bought a pair of loose, cream colored “dress” pants (if you can even call them that) that had pearls lining the bootleg cut in a triangular pattern.

“I can’t believe you  _ actually _ paid for those.”

“You wanna know how much they were?”

“No.”

“$154.78.”

“Oh my god.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahaha did you guys catch the yasuhiro reference? anyways in the next chapter... well, you'll see soon enough. ;) i'm trying to update as often as humanly possible!!!! i spend pretty much all day writing nowadays cuz quarantine but i'm not complaining lol. check back soon lol luv yall <3
> 
> ig: @funkyandfatigued


	3. tragedy dying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Komaeda spends the night at Hajime's house! It's angst time boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: there's some mild description of dysphoria in this and i dont wanna trigger anyone , if that kinda thing bothers you then please dont read this,, your health is more important !!!!!!
> 
> also i'm sorry this chapter is so long ahahaha :(

They were still sitting in the parking lot when Hajime’s phone rang.

_ Incoming call… Mom ❤️ _

“My mom’s calling me, so don’t say anything. Hello?”

“ _ Hey sweetie. I just got back from work. Are you on your way home? _ ”

“Uh, yeah, we’re about to leave the plaza, but I have to drop off my friend first.”

“ _ Actually I was going to ask you if you wanted them to spend the night? I can order a pizza if you guys want. _ ”

“Umm… sure, lemme ask.” Hajime pulled the phone away from his ear. “Hey, do you wanna spend the night at my house?”

“Really? Sure, that sounds like fun! I mean, if you don’t mind having me, that is, haha,” Komaeda said.

“He said sure.”

“ _ Make sure his parents are okay with it. _ ”

“We can do that when we go by his house.”

“ _ I can’t wait to meet him _ .”

“It’s not like that, _ mom _ .” Hajime rolled his eyes.

“ _ I didn’t say it was, _ Hajime.”

“Okay, okay. See you soon. Love you.”

“ _ Love you too. Drive safe. _ ”

“Bye.”

“ _ Bye. _ ” Hajime hung up and put his phone in his pocket. “Sorry this is so spur of the moment.”

“This entire  _ day _ has been spur of the moment. Not that that’s a bad thing. It was fun,” Komaeda said, rubbing his hand with his thumb. “Off topic, but your mom sounds nice.”

“Yeah, she does a lot for me.” Hajime said. “But um… yeah. You should, like, DJ again.”

“Of course.”

_ You’re the only friend I need, _

_ Sharing beds like little kids. _

_ We’ll laugh until our ribs get tough, _

_ But that will never be enough. _

**. . .**

Hajime pulled into Komaeda’s driveway, once again behind the shiny BMW. The sun was beginning to set, bathing the car in front of them in golden light. “Do you wanna meet my cat?” Komaeda unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Eh, I’m more of a dog person, but why not?”

“You’re gonna love him, I promise. But if you don’t…” Komaeda looked Hajime dead in the eyes, “then I guess that would be disappointing.”

Hajime snorted. “Jeez, man. You don’t have to sound so threatening.”

“Yeah, but I just wanted to try something different, ya know?”

“Uh, no, I don’t.” Hajime laughed a little. “Let’s hurry up and get your stuff so we don’t keep my mom waiting.” They both got out of the car and walked down the stone pathway to Komaeda’s front door(s). He took a key out of his hoodie pocket and unlocked one of them. Pushing open the door revealed a huge living room with hardwood floors, a seafoam green chaise lounge, and an  _ enormous  _ TV. House plants were everywhere; hanging from the ceiling, under windows, and next to furniture. On top of a light gray recliner slept a little tuxedo cat who was curled up in a ball.

“That’s Bartholomew,” Komaeda introduced the cat by scooping him up and cradling him like a baby. He sleepily blinked his yellow eyes at his owner and stretched his entire body out, making him look twice as long as he actually was. He shrunk again like he was a Slinky.

“Aww. Can I pet him?” Hajime couldn’t resist.

“Of course.”

Hajime stroked the cat’s white stomach. Bartholomew purred and wrapped his paws around his arm. Then, without warning, he bit his hand. Hajime pulled his arm back. “Ow! You little shit!”

Komaeda laughed as Bartholomew jumped out of his arms. “He was just playing. It means he likes you.”

“He was just  _ playing _ ?! He bit me! You wanna know what dogs do when they play with you? They give you a Frisbee or lick your face, but cats fucking  _ bite  _ you, or bring you dead birds.” Hajime rubbed the blood into his hand. “Fucker.”

“I bet the only reason cats don’t like you is because you don’t like them,” Komaeda said.

“I like cats!”

“You do? Cuz if I remember correctly, just a minute ago you were all like, ‘dog supremacy’, or whatever.”

“I literally did not say ‘ _ dog supremacy _ ’ and I have never said ‘ _ dog supremacy _ ’ in my sixteen years of living.”

“You just did.”

“Komaeda?”

“Yes?”

“Go pack your bag.”

“Sure thing, Hajime.”

“Did you just call me by my first name?”

“Yes, and?”

“...Aaand I’ll be in the car.”

**. . .**

After Komaeda threw his tan Jansport bag in the back seat, Hajime checked the time. It was 7:42 and the sky was turning pink.

“Hey, I just thought of something,” Hajime started the car.

“Hm?”

“You were supposed to ask your parents if it’s okay to stay at my house, but they weren’t there, so…”

“Oh, yeah.” Komaeda looked out the window at the blurry power lines and houses. He didn’t say anything else.

“...Komaeda.”

“Hinata.”

“Where are your parents?”

Hajime saw Komaeda shift in his seat through the rearview mirror. “They’re at work.” Komaeda’s voice lacked emotion. The driver stole a glance at the passenger sitting next to him. The last light of day shone on his cloud-like hair, dyeing it golden. His pale skin seemed to glow ethereally under the sun. In the mirror, his baby blue eyes sparkled like the surface of the ocean, the endless ocean that hides so many secrets. And for a moment, it didn’t seem like Komaeda belonged on Earth, but somewhere high above it.

“Alright. But… you can talk to me, you know.” Hajime pulled his eyes away from Komaeda and made it a point to focus on the road.

“...Thank you, Hinata.”

“Oh, and um… you can call me Hajime.”

**. . .**

Their ears were greeted with the sound of a laugh track when they opened the door to Hajime’s house. His mom was on the couch watching a sitcom. A box of pizza sat on the coffee table, the cool air from outside carrying the scent away from them.

“Hey, mom, this is Komaeda.” Hajime gestured to him.

“It’s an honor to be in the presence of someone who has a son so full of hope. Thank you so much for letting me stay over. It’s truly an honor.”

Hajime and his mother exchanged  _ a glance _ , and he was once again reminded of how weird Komaeda can be. If he said one more thing about  _ hope _ ...

“The pleasure is mine.” Hajime’s mom’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “You can call me Tsubaki.”

“Okay, Tsubaki. If you ever need any money, let me know,” Komaeda offered.

“That’s very kind of you, but I assure you it won’t be necessary,” Tsubaki said. She didn’t even question it.

“Mom, can we take the pizza upstairs? I promise we won’t be messy,” Hajime decided to interject before Komaeda said any more weird things.

“Alright, but just this once.”

“Thanks,” Hajime felt relieved as he and Komaeda went up the stairs and into his room. He put the pizza box on the floor and sat cross-legged next to it. Komaeda lay face up on the floor and sighed.

“So, what do you wanna do?” Hajime asked, picking up a slice of pizza.

“Eh, I don’t know. I’m kinda tired,” Komaeda propped his neck up with his arms.

“Really? But it’s, like, eight. What time do you normally go to bed?”

“Usually after I do my homework, if I even do it.”

“Seriously?! But that’s so early!” Hajime said through a mouth full of pizza.

“I guess, but it’s not like there’s anything else to do. And school takes a lot of energy, ya know?” Komaeda yawned. “Honestly, I’m not even that hungry. I just want to sleep. Unless you wanna do something, of course.”

“I kinda wanna do something since it’s so early, but if you’re really that tired then we can go to sleep now,” Hajime finished the crust of his second slice. “I can’t say that I haven’t gone to bed early before.”

“As long as you’re sure. I’m sorry,” Komaeda slowly sat up. “I wish I had more energy but I just… don’t.” For some reason, he looked really sad.

“Hey, it’s not a big deal. I think everybody’s had a sleepover like this before. But uh, are you gonna get any pizza? You might feel better if you eat something.”

“I would but I’m not hungry,” He still had that sad look on his face.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” Hajime picked up the pizza box and carried it to the fridge. He didn’t see his mom in the living room. He made a pitstop in the bathroom and washed his hands. As he brushed his teeth, he realized that he’d have to sleep in his binder, which was annoying, but it’s not like he hadn’t done it before. He knew it wasn’t healthy, but some nights are more dysphoric than others. He couldn’t wait until he was old enough to get top surgery so he could sleep without being highly uncomfortable. Hajime then felt very frustrated at the fact that he’d have to wait two more years…

He tried his best to shrug off the impending sense of hopelessness as he walked back into his room, where he saw something he was not expecting.

Translucent orange bottles sat in a pile next to Komaeda, who had a handful of pills and was in the process of downing them.

“What are you doing?! You’ll overdose if you take all of those!”

Komaeda jumped at the sudden noise. He swallowed the pills and wiped the water off his mouth. “Oh, you caught me. Haha, sorry…” His face turned red. “Don’t worry, these are prescribed.”

“ _ All _ of them?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Komaeda threw the bottles back in his bag.

“You don’t need to apologize… but if you don’t mind me asking, what are they for?” Hajime pulled the guest mattress out from under his bed.

“Most of these are painkillers. I have some kind of antimetabolite, or maybe two, I can’t remember, an appetite stimulator, and a couple of antidepressants.” Komaeda sighed. “Sorry, I tried to take them while you weren’t here so you wouldn’t have to worry, but I guess that didn’t work out. Just my luck, ahaha…”

“Why do you have all of those prescriptions? Sorry I’m asking so much, I just wasn’t expecting to walk in on that.” Hajime sat down on the edge of his bed.

“It’s okay. You were bound to find out eventually.” Komaeda slowly lay down on the mattress and took a deep breath. “Basically, I’m going to die soon. The doctors gave me a year, a year and a half at most. I… have lymphoma. The first time I got treated for it, something went wrong, or my body just didn’t react right, and it gave me frontotemporal dementia. As we sit here having this conversation, my brain is rotting inside of its skull. So… yeah. That’s why…” His eyes started to water. “I’m sorry, Hajime. I know it’s selfish, but you’re the only friend I really have besides maybe Chiaki, and I didn’t want to tell you because… because if I did, then I was afraid you wouldn’t see the point in being friends with me. If I’m going to die anyways…” He frustratedly wiped away the tears threatening to fall.

“Komaeda…” Hajime moved down to the guest mattress, sitting in front of the kid who he’d barely known up until today. The weird kid, the loner. The kid with no friends. The kid who’d probably be dead before he graduates. “That isn’t selfish at all. I… god, I don’t even know what to say…” Hajime felt something crawling on his cheek. It took him a moment to realize that it was a tear.

“Hey, don’t cry. Please. I’m not worth it.”

“Yes, you are! Yes, you fucking are worth it, Nagito. You wanna know  _ why _ ? You wanna know  _ why  _ you’re worth it?! Because today was the most fun I’ve had all year. All of my  _ friends  _ that I hang out with? I’m not even important to them! They all have somebody that they’re close with, but I don’t have anyone! But when I hung out with you today, just being stupid and listening to your music in the car, I felt like I belonged somewhere for once.  _ You  _ made me feel that way, Nagito. And I barely even know you!

“So who  _ cares  _ if you have a year or a day or a century? None of that matters! What matters is that you live your life to the fullest while you still can, because that’s the whole point, isn’t it? To make memories so that when you close your eyes for the last time, the pictures in your mind aren’t depressing, but they’re so happy that you’re okay with dying, because you can sleep peacefully knowing that you’ve done everything in your power to live the best life you can! Because… because, you’re worth it. Right now… you are absolutely worth crying over.” Hajime took a deep breath.

Komaeda looked at Hajime, eyes red and puffy. “Do you really believe that?”

“Of course. Do you really think I’m a good enough actor to fake cry?” Hajime forced a smile.

Komaeda snorted. Then, for seemingly no reason at all, both boys laughed. It was one of those moments where every other emotion had been felt, so this was the only one left. Maybe it went on for too long, because they were out of breath by the time it had subsided. It was the sound of tragedy dying, and it was the sound of everything that they were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1sROM0El0WNSUM4UIXDyNyDd6zUzoccX ahaaha i did the thing again


	4. a/n

if ur reading this you’re probably really disappointed this isnt a new chapter but pls listen:: a new chapter will be up soon, probably this week if i can get my school work done. and it’s going to be suuuper long. like, about 4,000 words long, which is about the length of all 3 of the previous chapters combined. a crazy amount of shit has happened this month, like, i could write a 100 page memoir about everything that’s happened in the past 30 days and it wouldnt be boring. life’s kept me busy but i missed writing this sfm you dont even know. all of the comments/kudos you guys leave seriously make me so happy like you dont even know,,, they’re deadass my only source of validation. i swear i havent forgotten ab yall and im sorry it’s been a MONTH (?!?!??!?!?!) since my last update!!! i hope (hehe) the next chapter makes up for it. it’s def the most eventful, and oh BOY chapter 5 is going to be so dramatic. i’m really sorry for leaving you guyz. stay safe, wash your hands, only go out for groceries, do your school work blah blah blah. take care of yourself and i’ll see you soon <3 i love yall!!!

**Author's Note:**

> i made some fun little playlists !!! like for when they were driving this is what i think they'd be listening to ahaha theres only like 3 songs on each lol
> 
> 1- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1sROM0El0WOv-huYloHJbqXCtY5-dpuB  
> 2- https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1sROM0El0WO7jrqdPXDvO3HOk0NCz5dR
> 
> @funkyandfatigued on ig


End file.
